Sunday, November 13, 2011

How do i do this?

Every day I wake up and look in the mirror. Every day he is gone I swear I see more lines form in the corners of my eyes and mouth and more carving deeply into my forehead. I wash my face and force myself to smile. I have to keep going on with every day like it isn't a big deal he is gone. I have to keep our three children happy. They have to believe this is just part of life. Well for us it is part of life. Daddy is a soldier. He is currently serving his second tour of duty. The first time was to Iraq a few years ago. And now we are halfway through his tour to Afghanistan. My children miss him so badly. They talk about him all the time. The carry around their 'daddy dolls', sleep on their 'daddy pillows', and look forward to the times we get to Skype with him. He has missed birthdays and holidays so many times we have learned to get through it without him. He missed the birth of his only son while he was fighting in the war in Iraq. But this is the life of a service member during war time. I cant complain despite how sad I am. i cant let it get me down. My husband is a hero. He volunteers to do what 99% of other people in our country will not do. And he is good at it. I respect him more than I can explain. Our children will grow up knowing the meaning of honor and integrity. So what do I do when I get down about him being gone? How do I keep my children from seeing me so upset? I look in the mirror and make the tears stop, washing them away with warm water. I clear my throat, stand up straight, smooth out the wrinkles in my clothes and put on my game face. No matter how badly I want to hide in a corner, crying, I cant. I have to be strong. I have to be the rock my children depend on to get them through this. I love my husband for the life he is giving to us.

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